RESUME   GEORGE W. BUSH 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington, DC 20520

 

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:

Law Enforcement:

I got arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine , in 1976 for driving under the influence of beer. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver’s license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been “lost” and is not available.

I was arrested in Texas for cocaine possession in the early 70’s, but Daddy got that record disappeared.

Military:

Daddy’s connections got me into the Texas Air National Guard where I successfully defended Houston from getting invaded by them Viet Kongs. Then I was AWOL most of the time. I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I didn’t go to Vietnam like all them poor chumps.

Kollege:

I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a cheerleader.

I got a MBA from Harvard University.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:

· I begun my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas, in 1975. Daddy’s pals bought me a oil company, but I couldn’t find no oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

· I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money.

· I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.

· With the help of my father and our good buddies in the oil industry, (including Enron CEO Kenny Boy Lay), I was elected guvernor of Texas.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GUVERNOR OF TEXAS :

I changed unfair Texas pollution laws to help the power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America.

I cut taxes on kor corporashuns and rich folks and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.

I set the record for the most executions ever by any guvernor in American history.

With the help of my brother Jeb, the guvernor of Florida , and the guys my Daddy hired for that Supreme Court, I became President of the United States, after losing by over 500,000 votes

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.

I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week.

I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.

I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.

I set a record for most personal bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.

I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.

I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market. In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs.

I’m proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history. My “poorest millionaire,” Condoleezza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.

I set the record for mostest campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President ever.

I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the mostest corporate campaign donations.

My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and my best friend for life, Kenny Boy Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. history at Enron.

My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision.

I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history. I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.

I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.

I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.

I appointed more convicted criminals to my administration than any President in U.S. history.

I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States Government.

I’ve broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.

I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.

I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.

I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. “prisoners of war” detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.

I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors, (during the 2002 US election).

I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any President since the advent of television.

I set the all-time record for most days off for a president in any one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history

I garnered the most sympathy ever for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.

I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protests against any person in the history of mankind.

I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, preemptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. Citizens and the world community.

I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families in wartime.

In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.

I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.

I am supporting development of a nuclear “Tactical Bunker Buster,” a WMD.

I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to justice.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

All records of my tenure as guvernor of Texas are now in my father’s library, sealed and unavailable for public view.

All records of SEC investigations into my insider-trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review. I specified that my sealed documents will not be available for 50 years.